The Confession of a Hypocrite

 Introduction

Today was like any other day. I woke up, got dressed, sauntered into my kitchen. Having arrived at my destination, I then opened my pantry, pulled out a coffee filter, turned my coffee grinder on. I then checked every box in the "making coffee" to-do list. Then I hit the power button, moved over to my couch, about 6 steps, sat down, and waited. 

I went about my usual routine, watch some cooking videos, check out my favorite youtube channels, then came the ever so delightful "beep-beep-beep." My coffee was perked and ready to drink. I got up off my couch and poured myself some of that coveted java, then went and sat in the same spot on my couch. 

I then went about my next routine. I still looked at some youtube videos, then sauntered into my Bible reading. I've been reading through a Bible in a year plan, and I'm currently in Ezekiel. This was a great time; it felt as though scripture was jumping off the page. I was finding connections between Genesis and texts in Ezekiel. I was discovering direct quotes that Jesus taught in Matthew 5. This experience was phenomenal.

I went through my reading, as usual. Now, unlike most days, today I had the opportunity to drive my sister to the mustard seed, a non-profit homeless shelter (I think, I haven't looked much into it). I drove to her place, picked her up, and braved the horrid winter weather. We pulled up to the street outside the Mustard Seed and sat there, waiting for a few minutes. I figured that leaving my sister alone downtown would not be the most logical move. 

I then had this terrifying feeling in my heart. I saw people using blankets as winter coats, I saw people hobbling about due to either physical illness or mental disability. And I said this: "I don't like being downtown. There's so much here that is wrong. There is an obscene amount of poverty and sickness that we can never cure. (obviously, this is from the truth that sin will always be in the world until the coming of Christ.) The people that we see here (statistically speaking) will always be around, and most will never come out the other side."

Then my sister said the most profound thing: "Well, we can still lead them to Jesus."

My heart sunk. 

My heart still aches. 

 I had arrived at a horrible destination. I realized that I had spent so much time in my theological tower that I forgot about the main goal. Not to save those impoverished in monetary value, but to bring something worth more than money, cars, and health. But to bring the hope of the gospel to a hopeless world. 

I realized this very sobering truth: 

I'm a hypocrite. I could tell you about the doctrines of grace; I could tell you about the overarching story of the Bible. I can even recall all sorts of theological terms that leave most confused. And although understanding scripture is important, and I hold the Bible as the greatest and only expression of God's true character and the sole message to our souls, I had somehow placed the gospel as some museum monument that only the clean can touch. 

I forgot that the gospel is not for those in a certain social class or one group of people. I forgot that I was in such a place of spiritual poverty too. Sure, I have a decent life. I wake up in a warm house, I drink coffee, I have stuff. I'm in a different social class, but I forget that sin doesn't have a social divide. Sin and failure, and a need for the gospel are not limited to one group of people. Yet my mind still wants to keep the hope I have to myself, even when I see poverty and homelessness. 

I spend so much time proclaiming the grace of God to us that I forget to share the same grace with the world. I'm a hypocrite. I feel so strongly that I needed to say this. 

I don't measure up. 

I don't care for people enough.

I don't share the gospel enough.

I don't pray for people enough.

I am a failure. I'm not enough.

This whole thing went through my mind as I drove home after dropping my sister off. I came to realize how selfish I am. Fun fact, even though I've been saved by the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, I still live as though salvation is just about me. 

I have taken for granted what God has revealed in scripture and what God has given me as a sinner. I'm a Christian that doesn't live up to even the smallest standard of holiness. I'm sure that people half-heartedly read Scripture like it's some self-help novel with cute stories about Jesus and the sinners that he chooses to save. I'm sure that people hold onto the gospel like it is a message that requires you to fix yourself and then receive the saving faith only found in Christ Jesus. I am also guilty of this.

I'm not perfect. And it hurts that I would view the gospel of Jesus Christ as a secondary to prosperous living. Truth be told, the gospel is literally everything I have. I don't even own the clothes on my back. Even the air I breathe isn't my own. Everything I have is given by Jesus, and the one thing I can say is that Jesus is everything I have. He is worth more than everything I have. Yet I forget that there are suffering people, holding on just to find something above anything of value. 

And in my fear of losing what I don't truly own, I would distance myself from those that need the hope of Christ most. I'm terrified to get into the world and interact with sinners. I am like a modern-day Pharisee, avoiding the "unclean people" and forgetting that I am also an unclean person.

Even I, a sinner saved by grace, still needs that same grace every day. 

If there is one thing I want you to hear, it's that even if you feel like you have nothing to offer the creator of the universe, Christians don't either. All we have to lean on is the grace of Jesus Christ, and hope and trust that he will be faithful to save us even while we still treat him like some by and gone thing. 

I have nothing to offer, but Christ has offered you and me something of eternal value: grace to forgive us, the power to sustain us, and hope that orients us. Folks, everything we have will pass away. We own none of it. But with Christ, we can have something worth more than the world itself: eternal life. 

Christ isn't only a ticket into heaven, but Jesus Christ is everything we have of lasting and eternal value. He is the creator of life Himself.